Happy (Chinese) New Year!

The year of the rabbit starts today!

BTW, how's your New Year's Resolution, a.k.a. the N.Y.R., going? How's mine going? Not going so well.

$h!t!

Well, that's a little better.

My N.Y.R. was to swear more this year, something I thought was attainable. Easy. But I got off my goal with a parent-teacher conference and binged on two 8-year-old birthday parties totally in Spanish. I can't swear in Spanish.

$h!t!

Back in my showgirl days, swearing was an artform, and I admired those who had the flair. I hadn't had any training in swearing as an amateur, so when I turned pro in the show, I had some quick learning to do.

Sure, swearing as an exclamation is easy. Chorus work, really. When you're standing at the curtain backstage, ready to take the ice and you look down at your skates and discover you forgot your bootcovers and are looking at a $4 fine ... $h!t! is natural. Relieves the stress, tells everyone around what's going on and they start to clear the path for you to run back to the dressing room.

But swearing as an adjective? $h!t!, that's harder. One thing I learned in ice shows, the more beautiful the mouth the f-ing swear words came out of, the more impact they had. When the sourpuss, balding, curmudgeonly stagehand in the corner goes on a tear, well, we've all heard that before. But coming from a beautiful showgirl?

Like I said, art.

I think my time to elevate swearing to an art form are behind me, but a girl can try, right?

In the words of Team America, fu(Є)k, yeah!

Happy New Year folks!