Got My Tickets

... to Holiday On Ice, the world premiere of Speed. Then I went to the website to see a little of what the show is about.

And I continue with my theme of WTF?


Couple of things, folks ...

First off - check out the opening paragraph on the page I linked to above that describes the show.

The show concists of 10 chapters, starting with the Speed of Instinct. This part of the show is thrilling, wild, exciting and will work w have fire torches. after this spectacular introduction, a fun , athleticism and color consists of the traditional wheel and precision. The scene based on the Speed of City will be followed by Speed of Love, Speed of Nature and Speed of Money and demonstrate water, wind, funand a good sense of humor!

This sounds more like my daughter's 3rd grade science project. And check out the typos!!! It looks like it has been written by a 3rd grader.

Come on, HOI, I know you're now run by a European entertainment company, but didn't someone run the spell check in English? It's written in English (but not full sentences, unless you prefer the run-on or incomplete kind). It's not that hard to see what gets the red squiggly lines. Wow, that's really bad copy.

Second - the concept ... Speed. Okay, for skating, it's a good way to show what we can do that other performers can't. Go fast. It's a good way to distinguish us from, ahem, dancers. That's right, dancers, I'm talking about you.

So when the choreographer, who is not a skater but a dancer, says he is casting dancers for the show I spewed coffee through my nose. Are you fucking crazy? Aren't there enough skaters you can work with?

Has someone not pointed the choreographer to the PFSC?

No, Miss Ice Charades, they don't use those initials anymore because the first thing you get on Google is Pictures For Sad Children. They've changed it to ProSkaters.org.

It has hundreds of skaters posting their resumes and videos of, oh, I don't know, SKATING. You could use them instead of taking "strong, confident" dancers showing up in Amsterdam for the day because they couldn't make it for the Michael Jackson "This Is It" audition. Oh, but you say the dancers are going to learn to skate. Again, WTF?

I'd love to see the rest of the video that shows them learning to do swizzles and work their way up to a 3-turn. Aaaggh.

If you don't know some skating moves, Mr. Choreographer, guess what ... we skaters can dance too. It's been done before in ice shows, it can be done again. Just ask Kristi Yamaguchi.

Okay, I know the choreographer is not a skater, that's been done a lot before too, but let's keep skating in the ice show and let dancers dance where they can ... which is all over any flat surface in theaters, in music videos, in rock concerts, in amusement parks that don't want to pay for ice, etc etc.

I just paid 90 euros (or $123) for 2 tickets to watch dancers skate? Oh, Miss Ice Charades is not happy. Not at all.