Speed ... not so fast

Wait! Before you think this is a bad review of Holiday On Ice's world premiere of Speed, that which I railed on and on in my last post .... no. The skating and the choreographer was as good as any show I've seen lately.

In fact, one of the two male principals, Rohene Ward, was amazing. One of the best show skaters I've seen in two decades and the best part of the show for me.

Side note: I just spent an hour watching various You Tube videos of his skating and I'm more and more impressed. He can do all of his double jumps in both directions!! No one I know can do that ... he's the only one I know that could have passed the ISI(A) Freestyle 10. His form is perfect and he spins like Craig Heath. I felt as if I saw traces of the late, great Robert Wagonhoffer mixed with the always great Toller Cranston. Wow, is all I can say.

Okay, okay, back to the review. Like I said the skating was very good. There were no dancers learning 3-turns on the ice as I feared. At one point the entire chorus did a scratch spin. It was a great effect when more than twenty skaters are spinning on every part of the ice.

For this old showskater, it was nice to see the endangered kickline and pinwheel. This show had a very creative take on the traditional pinwheel using either one of the largest props or the thinnest moving stage I've ever seen. It was used during the "Be Italian" number, from the play and movie "Nine", which doesn't make sense of Speed unless there are a couple of Ferraris or Lamborghinis out on the ice. Italy, not known for speed if you're talking government bureaucracy or getting lunch, but heh, it's a catchy song. It was a fun number.

And that is my main beef with the show: the theme Speed didn't hold up in the first half. I give you an example, the Speed of Nature. I know, you're probably thinking cheetahs. No, it was a party on the beach. Nothing says Speed like chillin' on the beach.

But the final two segments, Speed of Machines and Speed of Sport (I think, there was a speed skating element to it) got the audience going. With the lighting, the fireworks and the pulsing music, the show ended with a lot of pow! And my eight-year old thought it was the best thing she's ever seen. So there.

Got My Tickets

... to Holiday On Ice, the world premiere of Speed. Then I went to the website to see a little of what the show is about.

And I continue with my theme of WTF?


Couple of things, folks ...

First off - check out the opening paragraph on the page I linked to above that describes the show.

The show concists of 10 chapters, starting with the Speed of Instinct. This part of the show is thrilling, wild, exciting and will work w have fire torches. after this spectacular introduction, a fun , athleticism and color consists of the traditional wheel and precision. The scene based on the Speed of City will be followed by Speed of Love, Speed of Nature and Speed of Money and demonstrate water, wind, funand a good sense of humor!

This sounds more like my daughter's 3rd grade science project. And check out the typos!!! It looks like it has been written by a 3rd grader.

Come on, HOI, I know you're now run by a European entertainment company, but didn't someone run the spell check in English? It's written in English (but not full sentences, unless you prefer the run-on or incomplete kind). It's not that hard to see what gets the red squiggly lines. Wow, that's really bad copy.

Second - the concept ... Speed. Okay, for skating, it's a good way to show what we can do that other performers can't. Go fast. It's a good way to distinguish us from, ahem, dancers. That's right, dancers, I'm talking about you.

So when the choreographer, who is not a skater but a dancer, says he is casting dancers for the show I spewed coffee through my nose. Are you fucking crazy? Aren't there enough skaters you can work with?

Has someone not pointed the choreographer to the PFSC?

No, Miss Ice Charades, they don't use those initials anymore because the first thing you get on Google is Pictures For Sad Children. They've changed it to ProSkaters.org.

It has hundreds of skaters posting their resumes and videos of, oh, I don't know, SKATING. You could use them instead of taking "strong, confident" dancers showing up in Amsterdam for the day because they couldn't make it for the Michael Jackson "This Is It" audition. Oh, but you say the dancers are going to learn to skate. Again, WTF?

I'd love to see the rest of the video that shows them learning to do swizzles and work their way up to a 3-turn. Aaaggh.

If you don't know some skating moves, Mr. Choreographer, guess what ... we skaters can dance too. It's been done before in ice shows, it can be done again. Just ask Kristi Yamaguchi.

Okay, I know the choreographer is not a skater, that's been done a lot before too, but let's keep skating in the ice show and let dancers dance where they can ... which is all over any flat surface in theaters, in music videos, in rock concerts, in amusement parks that don't want to pay for ice, etc etc.

I just paid 90 euros (or $123) for 2 tickets to watch dancers skate? Oh, Miss Ice Charades is not happy. Not at all.

WTF?

Now that I've got your attention - can someone help me out here?

So, I'm watching the exhibition numbers from Skate Canada on Eurosports yesterday ... first thing, exhibition programs and Canada are neither Euro nor sports, but anyway ... I have to say congratulations to all of the medalists, including Patrick Chan.

He did a lovely show program, but he was in - what-looked-like a U.S. Marine Corps uniform holding and a mop - and I've got to say, WTF?


Here's a YouTube link to the same program done for Artistry on Ice.



See that Marine wearing his Dress Blues on the far right? That was Patrick Chan, minus the hat, but holding a mop.

Maybe I should be more P.C. and just ask why? He's a Canadian wearing a U.S. uniform. I find that odd, do you?

Then I've got to ask, why a mop? I don't associate Marines with mopping too much. Usually it's the guys who are first in or guarding an embassy kind of thing.

Full Disclosure: Most of the marines I've encountered were during my time working for the U.S. State Department, and I always found it honorable, but a touch troubling that they would be willing to give their life for a stranger like me - just a temporary contractor plugging in computers at the embassies for a week or two - at any moment.

So maybe they're Marines that mop, but that's not the first thing that comes to mind with Semper Fi.

So, I'm not sure what to think. Is he honoring a US Marine? Did I miss that part (I was watching a German broadcast, after all). Was he picking up on the spirit of the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington DC, that was held the same day?

Or was he just late to a Halloween party and needed to save time?

Casting for a Male Soloist

Florida in December sounds nice and warm to me!

CASTING FOR MALE SOLOIST FOR WEST PALM BEACH FLORIDA 2011.

"MUSICAL MOMENTS ON ICE"
DATES:
DEC. 16TH, 17TH & 18TH 90 MINUTE SHOWS.= 5 TO 6 SHOWS
REHEARSAL STARTS = DEC. 10TH. TO DEC.15TH.

"CHRISTMAS ON ICE"
DEC. 22ND. =45 MINUTES SHOW. 1 SHOW
REHEARSAL STARTS = DEC. 19TH., 20TH. & 21TH.

ICE SKATING SURFACE 30' FEET X 40' FEET

PLEASE SEND IMMEDIATELY A CURRENT VIDEO LINK, PHOTOS & RESUME

ACCOMMODATIONS & TRANSPORTATION IN THE USA INCLUDED.

FOR QUESTIONS YOU MAY CALL 561-436-0128

Best Regards,
Rosstyn & Laurilee Gudino

Ice Shows and Nudity

Did that get your attention?

I'm not going to talk about "Nudes On Ice", or as the cast referred to themselves in "Boobs on Cubes" that took place in Las Vegas in the late 80s. Technically, that show wasn't nude, just topless, and curiously, the "skaters" who were topless, weren't skaters at all. They were bitter showgirls forced to learn to skate to retain some kind of a paycheck!

I'm glad that I never had to decide whether I would skate topless in a show, because I'm not sure what I would have done. To bare or not to bare - either way there were disadvantages.

the disadvantage to not bare - not getting paid as much
the disadvantage to bare - having grandchildren some day

I think I could have gotten used to my boobs being on parade, since I did shows other shows where my butt was hanging out for all to see (sorry about that Grandma!).

Okay, Miss Ice Charades, let's talk about whether anyone would have paid to see your boobs. Yes, you make a good point.

But back to the nudity, in so many backstages of so many shows, they were anything but private. This was a world with male stagehands, who were, I think, predominently straight, who could easily catch us in progress from one costume to the next.

All of skaters got used to it. There was no point in protesting the situation, because you might just make it worse for yourself.

So this past weekend, I got to thinking about nudity again, when we had our first German sauna experience. No bathing suits allowed.

I would be lying if I said I was comfortable hanging out completely naked with all of the other sauna enthusiasts. In northern Europe and Scandinavia, this is normal, btw. I used to do it all the time without caring too much ... what was different this time?

Then it hit me.

This time I and my skating co-workers wersn't the only ones on display. Seeing everyone else hanging out in the nude made me think I preferred it the old way.

Want to skate in Japan?

IMMEDIATELY CASTING FOR JAPAN
ONE GIRL SOLOIST OR BOY SOLOIST
MUST HAVE A TRIPLE OR DOUBLE AXEL
MUST BE ABLE TO PERFORM ON A 200 X 85 ICE SURFACE
2 TO 3 SOLOIST NUMBERS
NOV. 20, NOV. 23 & NOV. 27
2 SHOWS PER DAY
20 MINUTES EXHIBITION SHOWS
ALL MEALS, HOTELS & TRANSPORTATION PROVIDED
CALL ROSSTYN AT: 561- 436-0128

Why Figure Skating is GREAT

If you ever have a day when you don't want to get on the ice or worse, you just want to quit ... Ryan Jahnke has a great pep talk for you on MySkatingMall.com.

On the blog, he's written a superb article that covers all the bases and asks everyone what they think. Don't miss it ... click here.

It's easy to understand why skating champions think figure skating is great, because it has been great for them, but my favorite reasoning comes from a quote of a teenage skater:

“Figure skating teaches you a lot about life itself even before you get out there. This sport is like a roller coaster, and so is life. You have your ups, and your downs. There will always be people who want to see you rise, and there are always people who want to see you fall. How you deal with these falls is how you succeed. This concept applies in life itself. You face this problem everyday of your life, and you face this problem everyday in skating. In skating though, you literally fall, but you have to get back up and keep going. You cannot look back, or feel sorry that you fell, you just got to get up and keep going. You have to get up and try again. THIS is why I love figure skating.” -Casey Yee

You have to get up and try again.

I have to remind myself of that when I'm quick to give up on other things ... try again.

Thanks Ryan!